EPISTLE OF WESLEY, THE PATRIARCH, TO THE
Universal epistle of Wesley,
Patriarch of Central America, companion to Brimhall, the district jefe.
2 To Muggsie, future literature clerk of the new mission, and Butter, old friend.
3 Hail to thee from the land of everlasting heat and exhaustion.
4 Behold I have fallen ill with a common cold which hath prevented me from attending
the church meetings held on the past Sabbeth day.
5 Which hath prevented me from participating in any activity on Monday.
6 Nevertheless, verily, I say unto thee, that the next Monday, I will not be
sick nor will I be afflicted.
7 On that future date we intend to journey to the Lempa River, for there are many
8 From there we wish to navigate these waters by means of transportation that
hath already made me famous throughout the length and breadth of this land.
9 We, therefore, hope to navigate the treacherous river from the Puente Cascatlan
to the Puente Litoral in a small craft.
And it came to pass that upon returning
home, I passed a red brick in the road, therefore I was eager to exhibit my ability
in an ancient oriental sport.
11 Yea, I placed the brick upon two other stones, and with a devastating karate
blow, I rent the brick asunder.
12 However, it came to pass that mine hand received similar injuries.
13 Yea, it is with great difficulty that I write thee this epistle.
14 Behold, I call thee to repent of teaching me such destructive sports.
Verily, thine raiment hath been sent with
an authorized courier loyal to the government, and possessing a reasonably fast
beast of burden.
16 Yea, the pittance which thou hast left me did not cover the cost of air mail.
17 We go to San Salvador on the morrow to receive thine photographs.
18 Them also will I send by fast burro.
Verily, verily I say unto you that there are
but three Sabbath days left before I journey to the land north.
20 It came to pass that I reluctantly applied for admission to that big Sunday
School in Provo, Utah.
21 Yea it hath come to my attention that the government is in need of soldiers to
fight the war in the land of Viet Nam.
22 Therefore, I go with great haste to enter on March 26th.
23 Receive the saludos of Sister Castelar (sent here also by epistle).
24 May the offspring of forty-six thousand, one hundred and thirty-eight black
birds dwell in your beard forever. Even so, Amen.
Letter written by Wesley Smith from San Miguel, El
Salvador, to David Muxo after Elder Muxo had been transferred to Costa Rica. Here
Wesley refers to the incident which gave him the nickname "Cayuquito", when he
and several other missionaries were swept out to sea in a small boat at the
end of President Brewer's presidency, early 1964.